A Personal Testimony

By David Friedman
davidfriedman72@yahoo.com
July 18, 2010      

The NSA Conference in Cleveland was a breakthrough experience for me. For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged to a community of people where I could truly be me. About two days into the conference the thought hit me: I was completely in the moment, stuttering and simply not caring. Most of all, I felt free to be me, as I am, saying what’s on my mind, with no embarrassment. When I was fully struck with the realization I had been stuttering, laughing, connecting, and not caring, a complete calm washed over me I can’t remember ever feeling in my life.

I’m sure many people who stutter can identify with the feeling of not fitting in. My whole life I have felt different because anxiety and nervousness about speaking has always been there reminding me I could be caught in a block at any moment. The constant worry about suffering the humiliation and embarrassment of stuttering turned me into someone who had to mask my disfluency at all costs. I have spent my entire life scared to death people would find out I’m just a fraud, a person masquerading as a confident, fluent communicator.

The few years leading up to January 2009, the date when I finally found the NSA, the act was impossible to keep up. I was a terrible wreck. I had faked my way to a decent career without advertising my fears about communicating. My day of reckoning was imminent, and the scheme of passing myself off as fluent person was starting to fizzle. I was regularly speaking on conference calls, lecturing, presenting and going to social networking events, but the tension and worry was eating me alive.

At my first NSA meeting I was nervous and did my best to be fluent, but I noticed others didn’t seem to care if they stuttered in front of me. As I continued coming back to the monthly meetings I started to realize by accepting others and their speech, I was subconsciously accepting my own. After hearing about other member’s ability to advertise their stuttering, little by little I was inspired to do the same.

Now, most of my friends, family and co-workers know I stutter. The imagined Armageddon didn’t happen, and advertising has taken the pressure off and benefit me in ways I didn’t expect. In my lifelong attempt mask my disfluency, the fear and shame I built up inside actually kept me emotionally distant from most people. This part of me, stuttering, was so terrible, that revealing it to anyone meant the end of me. Telling others and being comfortable to stutter opening has only made me human.

Our society promotes perfection, and so many people are ashamed of their weaknesses and flaws. In reality though, most people are uncomfortable around those perceived as flawless. Being human and imperfect around others grants permission to be the same and this builds instant rapport. I believe people view me as much more authentic and genuine now that I am open and honest about who I am. What you see is what you get!

Being part of the NSA family is such a blessing. I have lived a life of hiding the real me and the NSA has shown me I can be exactly who I am without shame or justification.